Wednesday 17 November 2010

When they don't write back

I sometimes feel like I'm looking inside a bubble of loveliness, longing to join the party but unsure where to begin.

So I shyly leave a comment here and there, hoping to find a friend. Sometimes I even go so far as to send an email - occassionally bearing a little more of my heart than is safe.

Sometimes I get a reply. And often, I don't.

I recall emailling a certain blogger twice and waiting for her to write back because I felt very strongly that, as Anne might say, we were kindred spirits :) She never replied - and, yes, it stung a little. Particularly because this blogger claimed to be a shy soul too, claimed to have known the wounds that females are capable of inflicting - not by their actions, but by their words. By what they say ... and don't say. Loud, brash insults cut deep. But so do the silences of Not Wanted. Not Included. Not Part Of Our Group.

It is easy to misunderstand innocent silences as the rejection many of us may have experienced in the past; to allow self-pity to slip in ("Maybe it's me; I'm not good enough, not interesting enough; not ... lovely enough"). And it's even easier to begin to judge ("I bet she's not as shy as she claims"; "She seemed so sweet and kind ... I guess appearances are deceiving").

What's often difficult is to stop and consider the reality - that these are busy women with busy lives. Those lovely lives we read about don't come about without much prayer ... and much prioritising. Many of these women are wives, some of them mothers too. There are morning devotions to have, husbands to encourage, children to nurture, pets to feed, home businesses to run - in addition to all the other household chores. Some may even work a full-time job to boot.

This means that they may only allow an hour a day for blog-related things, perhaps even less. And maybe their hour includes everything - emails from family and close friends as well as correspondence from 'blog friends'. Not to mention actually writing something :)

Our tendency to get upset and assume the worst when we don't get responses reveals a deeper issue - pride.

We want to be part of the inner circle, we want lots of comments on our blogs, we want awards and accolades, we want to set up a page on Facebook and have at least 50 "fans" ... the list goes on. It gets more prideful - and more ridiculous. Who are we writing for?

If we are writing for God, nothing is ever wasted, as a lovely online friend once told me. A post that does not receive any comments or recommendations is not a failure. Nor is a blog that never makes it onto a list of recommended links. But if we are writing for the approval of man, we will measure the worth of our words by the number of comments they garner. We may even change those words - words flowing from the very depths of our heart - to see if it makes a difference.

For every 'famous' blogger, there are (at least) 10 who blog under the radar - they may have beautiful, wonderful things to say. But, as providence would have it, they never get more than a handful of followers and the odd comment now and then.

Should they stop writing? Stop sharing their lives? No. Because it is a pure offering for Him (and if it hasn't been up until now, it certainly can be with prayer and repentance). A quiet declaration of "This is who I am in Your eyes. I will not flaunt it, but nor will I hide it."

And we must remember that the majority of well-known bloggers never expected to become so well known. Most of them started their blogs under the radar. If you had told them that they would one day have thousands of followers and a book deal, they would have looked at you with wide eyes and wondered where you got such a crazy idea.

Instead of focusing on presenting the perfect image, just be yourself. And write. Whether it's something encouraging, something about your day, something fun, or even just about a pretty flower you saw the other day. Write.

None of us are born lovely. Through sanctification we strive for it. And as we seek Him and write words that glorify Him, that striving will shine through. You don't even need a particularly pretty blog to aid it along (although by all means have one if you want!) Even a plain black-and-white blog will radiate loveliness if it is God-centred, sincere and unconcerned with getting a response.

And when they don't write back and the flesh pricks? Remember their busy lives. And remember Who you're writing for.

7 comments:

  1. Love this post, Naomi. It is so true, and so easy to forget why we write and who we right for. The followers and comments may come with time...but if they never do, who knows but that in Heaven someone will still be able to say "You encouraged my heart when I felt alone by what you wrote".

    And I think that is what I want to remember, no matter what.

    I got our christmas cards and thought I'd like to mail one to you. It might be late...but maybe you'd like it. :)

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  2. I think Chantel pretty much "took" the words out of my mouth. I needed to read this. Thanks for posting.
    It reminds me of another post I read earlier this week: http://www.incourage.me/2010/11/six-things-every-christian-blogger-needs-to-know.html

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  3. That looks like a post I need to read! Welcome to the blog, Kandace :)

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  4. Chantel, that would be *lovely*! We must begin writing again. Perhaps Christmas cards can mark our starting anew ;)

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  5. This is a lovely post! I can understand why you love this: "If we are writing for God, nothing is ever wasted ..." That's so true, but hard to remember sometimes! I need to remember all the time. Thank you for reminding me today ... :)

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  6. P.S. Oh ... you emailed me and I haven't written back yet!!! I hope I'm not the blogger you were thinking of when you wrote this post! Honestly, I'm planning to write back - and I'm not just saying that because I feel guilty. Look for an email SOON!!! :)

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  7. Haha, no of course not! I look forward to receiving your email, yay :)

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