Obedience

I've always had a love/hate affair with New Year resolutions.

I love planning. I love making lists, committing my dreams and visions to paper.

But as my 'fresh-start zeal' dwindles, the heart sinks and an attitude of apathy sets in.

I vow that I'm done with resolutions.

The reality is that I'm done with failing.

It's painful, isn't it? You can be blissfully happy, maintaining your resolution for a week; maybe even a month.

Then you slip.
   And try again.
      Slip once more.

And the tidal wave of despair drenches you.

I'll never conquer this.

There are bad habits that I've had for years. Patterns of behaviour that I've never managed to leave behind.

My problem? I'll.

In my own strength, I'll never do anything.

And that fresh-start zeal? Never lasts.

How could it? We may belong to Him but we are still mere flesh.

We walk,
    we fall,
       we walk,
           we fall ... you get the idea.

But realising that we will always fall should not prevent us from thinking about the year ahead; from setting concrete goals.

Because, the truth is? No-one magically does a 180 on New Year's Day. It is a process. A long, slow process. God doesn't call us to get it all right first time round. He calls us to trust Him and commit to the journey. He provides the guidance, the strength. All He asks for is our obedience. Our willingness to get up each morning and seek Him. His plans, His ways.

And start again.

As long as it takes.

It's this commitment to the journey that I've lacked, particularly over the past year.

I'm not normally a fan of merely riding on the coattails of other people's ideas, not in the prideful sense but rather as a way of reminding myself that I have been given my life to live according to my calling.

But this year - a year where change must come, God-willing, at long last - had proved difficult in terms of "what to do".

I didn't want another year of endless lists and meaningless, self-serving ambitions.

And then I discovered One Word 2011.

The brainchild of Alece at Grit and Glory, it does away with traditional resolutions and instead chooses a single word to stay mindful of all year. One word that sums up how you want your year to look.

For a long time I wrestled with a selection of choices and considered having four words. I asked friends and family for their advice and they all came up with the suggestion I knew they would. It was a good word.

But it wasn't my word.

And then it came to me.

I claim to know God. I claim to love Him. I read His word.

But often? I don't follow it. In many areas of my life, I've long known what I ought to do. But I haven't done it. Fear of change, fear of hurt, and, sometimes, sheer laziness, have held me back.

Of course there is grace. But grace is not an excuse for disobedience.

So that's my word for 2011. Obedience. It's not a pretty word like love or grace or joy ... or even trust. But it's my word. And I need it.

While the point of having one word is to avoid having long lists, I felt that a word like mine needed a few guiding points to define what I mean by obedience. I'm still refining these but they're a good starting point.

- Make the Word of God alone my standard, regardless of the circumstances
- Trust God and do not fear/despair; actively believe His promises
- Pursue peace
- Examine my heart for fruit, for true motives
- Be angry and sin not
- Do all things as unto the Lord
- Be content

My word isn't an easy one, but the goal isn't perfection.

It's obedience.

Getting up when I fall, and perservering in seeking God and His word. No matter how difficult things get.

This is my challenge for the year. And I accept.

What are your resolutions/challenges for 2011? 

Teeny-tiny update til the fingers give in and make prose

So, it's 2011.

This year is the year of obedience. The year of actively putting His word and His ways above all else. Of growing. Doing the things I know I should do. (In fact I've known for years - how easy to talk the talk). I am wearing my vow around my neck, to remind me when times are tough.

The snow has disappeared. But the cold persists and I am defying it with floral sunshine. (To my girlfriends, who say roses are cliched and yellow is too "friendship"? Pah.)

And the January sales got the better of me. Not clothes. Not accessories. But yarn. Lots of yarn. 

Today called for scones and solitude to plan my memory scriptures for the next two months. Because I can't obey the Word unless I know the Word. So I headed to the Stoke Newington Tea Rooms.

Their raspberry jam? Is amazing. I got me a pot to take home and slather on toast and ... just about anything, really.

And lest you think clothes don't tempt me.

On the way home I passed one of many cute stores. And got this for a tenner. It's made from recycled fabric. It has buttons. It makes me happy. You'll forgive the rubbishy I'll-just-sling-this-on-the-bed-and-click picture, yes? ;)

I will write again when the flu leaves me and the system settles back into work. Rest well, friends.

Overflow of blessings

My Christmas and New Year holiday was bliss. Simple as.

No amount of thank-yous could express my gratitude to God for some time to rest and just be.

I didn't venture into central London once. Nor did I go on the Underground. I'm not even sure I rode a bus. It was exactly what I needed - a true break from the rat race my life had become.

I won't pretend it was the perfect holiday. Those 11 days came with their difficulties.

Life always does.

But there was magic. Sparkle and bright. An overflow of blessings from above, poured straight into the lap of this wretched one.

I slept in and took long, glittery baths. I spent quality time with loved ones and knitted by the fire whilst watching Christmassy things. I ate and ate some more. I discovered the joy of a handmade Christmas. I cuddled babies and played with dogs. It overwhelms me to consider the good gifts God gave.

But I will try and count them, big and tiny. For such gratitide needs to be shared. Even if the result is a list of epic proportions ...

#258 The magical Narniaesque Saturday spent finding a tree - gazing open-mouthed at a powder-covered wonderland from inside our cosy car
#259 Finding our tree in a Christmas tree shop in the middle of actual forest
#260 Baking chocolate cookies in a vintage apron - the satisfaction of stirring love til the arms ache
#261 Strawberry toffees that remind me of long-gone childhood
#262 Oh Comely magazine
#263 People who use their time productively to make beautiful things with their hands
#264 Casting on by myself
#265 Soft winter-coloured yarn winding through the fingers
#266 The unexpected early arrival of my MyCakies cameo clip
#267 No less than four sit-down meals with family - normally a rarity
#268 Dragging my shopping trolley to the local supermarket for some Christmas Eve purchases
#269 Going to sleep without having to set my alarm clock
#270 Relaxing long in a warm tub of glitter
#271 Postal love from a new blog friend
#272 Taking more time than is necessary to shampoo my ebony curls - just because I can
#273 Warming homemade Christmas cards over the toaster (fancy embossing glitter, oh yes)
#274 The wonder that a simple partridge-in-a-pear-tree stamp really does beautify
#275 Late-night giftwrapping sessions
#276 Gingham and polka-dot ribbons that cover a multitude of sellotape sins ;)
#277 Magical crafter friend recycling said ribbons into brooches
#278 Secrets under the tree
#279 My parents' homecooked love; the lump-in-throat realisation that I'll never be too old for them to care that much
#280 Dad approving of his new shoes
#281 My beloved loving his scarf ...
#282 ... and his mother knitting a scarf for me. A shabby-chic wonder in purple and magenta and navy blue
#283 Receiving this on a scroll and relishing the way it speaks to my heart (even if every couple in my beloved's family got one!)
#284 A handcarved wooden heart, with love-filled dents and scratches that symbolise more than even my beloved understands
#285 Watching Casablanca with my father at long last
#286 Sweet baby nephews
#287 Snow
#288 The movie 'Up', which never fails to move me to tears for all the laughter it contains
#289 Making it home safely through heavy fog
#290 Oxford
#291 Visiting Britain's first museum
#292 Pub lunches
#293 Shopping with my mother
#294 Fabulous new plum-coloured shoes
#295 Ringing in 2011 with the three I love best
#296 Neighbours lighting fireworks in the street - in hindsight a little crazy but a secret joy to watch the thrilled look on their faces
#297 An adorable planner to make organisation a little more enjoyable - and beautiful butterfly post-its to add some fun
#298 Deciding on my One Word for the year
#299 Cute brooches from a wonderful friend
#300 Yellow roses to pour sunshine upon the first day back at work - and the beloved one who remembered he'd promised me them

Happy New Year! Here's to 2011 and embracing all it brings - Soli deo Gloria.