ChrisTime 2010: Day Three

 Reviver.

(I'm not convinced it's gramatically correct to use the word in that way. But since my posts are taking the form of "Jesus is my ... " I'm going to make an exception. Editor geekiness over.)

In the spirit of honesty?

I'm tired.

Physically, mentally, emotionally.

Scrap that. I'm exhausted.

I accept that might sound melodramatic. But it's the truth.

I have felt like a hamster in a wheel for a long time. As some of my 'sparklier' posts will testify, there have been good days; very good days. But I realise now that the general tiredness lurking beneath it all? Has never gone away.

Burden-carrying is draining work. But it's not the only reason for my fatigue.

My night-owl tendencies have gotten the better of me. I've been eating copious amounts of junk food. Work has been extremely busy, more so than usual.

And most importantly?

I've failed to prioritise what is needful. And wasted time on what really isn't.

I've flitted and floated from magical thing to magical thing, letting my feelings carry me here, there and everywhere. I've longed to instantly be accepted into inner circles instead of trusting God to build relationships in His timing. I've let ugly habits creep in: covetousness, envy, restlessness.

And I've worried.
   And worried.
      And worried.
        
Instead of resting in Him. And embracing where He has placed me.

Here. 

In London. 

An unmarried twenty-something with a full-time job. 

And everything that entails.

Spending quality time with God and my family, paying careful attention to both my professional and personal work, and preparing for Christmas have taken a backseat to surfing the Web and daydreaming. To what-ifs. And if-onlys. And I-wishes.

It's left me disorganised and exhausted. 

The very reason I started this blog was to stop focusing on other people's lives and start living my own. Somewhere along the line I've lost sight of that.

Thank God for grace. For His precious Gift to us.

Jesus is my reviver.

I've been blessed with some time off work this Christmas and I plan to take time to rest. Really rest. Not just get my eight hours a night. But rest in Jesus; that He would revive me, refresh me.

I want to lie down in green pastures beside still waters; close my eyes and just be. Because the world won't end when I stop worrying. When I quit being anxious for everything. When I let go and let Him.

Jesus gives me new vitality; causes me to flourish. He renews my mind and helps me to live intentionally. To give thanks for my life and my circumstances. He gives me strength to live each day to the fullest and prioritise those things that have eternal value.

I am remembering this this Christmas time.