Obedience

I've always had a love/hate affair with New Year resolutions.

I love planning. I love making lists, committing my dreams and visions to paper.

But as my 'fresh-start zeal' dwindles, the heart sinks and an attitude of apathy sets in.

I vow that I'm done with resolutions.

The reality is that I'm done with failing.

It's painful, isn't it? You can be blissfully happy, maintaining your resolution for a week; maybe even a month.

Then you slip.
   And try again.
      Slip once more.

And the tidal wave of despair drenches you.

I'll never conquer this.

There are bad habits that I've had for years. Patterns of behaviour that I've never managed to leave behind.

My problem? I'll.

In my own strength, I'll never do anything.

And that fresh-start zeal? Never lasts.

How could it? We may belong to Him but we are still mere flesh.

We walk,
    we fall,
       we walk,
           we fall ... you get the idea.

But realising that we will always fall should not prevent us from thinking about the year ahead; from setting concrete goals.

Because, the truth is? No-one magically does a 180 on New Year's Day. It is a process. A long, slow process. God doesn't call us to get it all right first time round. He calls us to trust Him and commit to the journey. He provides the guidance, the strength. All He asks for is our obedience. Our willingness to get up each morning and seek Him. His plans, His ways.

And start again.

As long as it takes.

It's this commitment to the journey that I've lacked, particularly over the past year.

I'm not normally a fan of merely riding on the coattails of other people's ideas, not in the prideful sense but rather as a way of reminding myself that I have been given my life to live according to my calling.

But this year - a year where change must come, God-willing, at long last - had proved difficult in terms of "what to do".

I didn't want another year of endless lists and meaningless, self-serving ambitions.

And then I discovered One Word 2011.

The brainchild of Alece at Grit and Glory, it does away with traditional resolutions and instead chooses a single word to stay mindful of all year. One word that sums up how you want your year to look.

For a long time I wrestled with a selection of choices and considered having four words. I asked friends and family for their advice and they all came up with the suggestion I knew they would. It was a good word.

But it wasn't my word.

And then it came to me.

I claim to know God. I claim to love Him. I read His word.

But often? I don't follow it. In many areas of my life, I've long known what I ought to do. But I haven't done it. Fear of change, fear of hurt, and, sometimes, sheer laziness, have held me back.

Of course there is grace. But grace is not an excuse for disobedience.

So that's my word for 2011. Obedience. It's not a pretty word like love or grace or joy ... or even trust. But it's my word. And I need it.

While the point of having one word is to avoid having long lists, I felt that a word like mine needed a few guiding points to define what I mean by obedience. I'm still refining these but they're a good starting point.

- Make the Word of God alone my standard, regardless of the circumstances
- Trust God and do not fear/despair; actively believe His promises
- Pursue peace
- Examine my heart for fruit, for true motives
- Be angry and sin not
- Do all things as unto the Lord
- Be content

My word isn't an easy one, but the goal isn't perfection.

It's obedience.

Getting up when I fall, and perservering in seeking God and His word. No matter how difficult things get.

This is my challenge for the year. And I accept.

What are your resolutions/challenges for 2011?