Butternut squash and broken chairs

Butternut squash and porcini mushroom risotto

So the meal didn't go quite as planned. I didn't have it ready on the table when my beloved arrived, he felt ill and had to leave soon after we'd finished eating ... and he somehow managed to break one of my mother's brand new dining-room chairs. Which cannot be bought individually. Oh. Dear.

This is a classic example of why I think lots and do very little - the reality never lives up to the image in my head.

I wanted to have the house to myself, with Kitty, Daisy & Lewis playing in the background so I could bop while I cook. Instead my father pottered about painting and hanging wallpaper while I dodged the workbench he'd set up in the middle of our tiny kitchen.

I wanted my beloved to arrive to see the meal ready to eat, the house spotless, and the girlfriend in a pretty dress. Instead the living room was atrocious (DIY does that), the meal wasn't ready because I overslept and forgot that being an infrequent (read - never) cook means that things take longer and, for the same reason, I only managed jeans and the Joules polo shirt he bought me for my birthday.

As for the illness and broken chair? I pictured a speech about how wonderful I am and curling up to read or watch a film. Not "Have you got any paracetamol?", "I think I need to go home and sleep", "Aaaah!!" and "Oh no. I'll replace it".

But as my dad said, trying hard to not smile at the crestfallen look on my face, that's life. And it's there to be lived, not run away from.

The point is, I did it. After years of thinking about it, I made my beloved a home-cooked meal. And that's what he appreciated. Not the perfect 'head-world' that I alone inhabit, but the real one where love was chopped, stirred and shared - however imperfectly.

Click on the picture caption to see the risotto recipe. It's the perfect autumnal dish for the colours alone. I'd never cooked with butternut squash before. It's such a lovely shade of orange, but a nightmare to peel unless you've got good utensils. Once that's over, the chopping is very satisfying. The pile of fleshy chunks looked gorgeous next to the spring onions, I should have taken a picture.

I also made a delicious blackberry crumble (not-very-appetising picture of the aftermath below). I'm a crumble fanatic full-stop, but blackberries work particularly well because their rich tartness perfectly complements the sweet topping. It's ridiculously simple to make:

375g blackberries
1 tablespoon caster sugar
1 teaspoon cornflour
130g plain flour
75g unsalted butter, cubed and chilled
60g soft light brown sugar
single or double cream, to serve

Sprinkle berries with caster sugar and cornflour. Toss to mix, tumble into baking dish and set aside for 15-20mins. Rub flour and butter together until mixture looks like coarse breadcrumbs (this is so much fun!) then stir in the sugar. Sprinkle mixture evenly on top of berries. Bake at 180 degrees Celsius for 45mins or until top is golden brown. Leave to cool for a couple of mins, then serve with lashings of cream.